The House Connection Built… Why children need foundation skills before words.

As parents, it’s natural to want to hear those precious first words — “Mummy,” “Daddy” “More.”
When words aren’t coming as quickly as expected, it’s easy to worry. Many parents will say,

“I just want my child to talk.”

BUT – talking isn’t the starting point of communication. It’s the destination.
Before a child can use words, they need strong foundations — regulation, engagement,
connection, and motivation. Without those, words are like building a house on sand:
they may start appearing, but they don’t last or carry real meaning. I often hear parents say their child has said some words before, but then they ‘lose’ them.  

Why “use your words” doesn’t work

When we focus on trying to encourage our child to “use words” before they are ready, we might get short-term compliance — maybe an echo, a prompted label, or a memorized phrase — but not true communication.
That’s because communication doesn’t grow in isolation, or from repetition or reward alone; it grows from shared emotional experiences, curiosity, and connection.

Imagine trying to say words in a new language when everyone around you is saying things you don’t understand, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, tired, hungry, or upset. Or even really excited!
It can feel quite lonely, and it’s nearly impossible to focus. Our children feel the same way. If everyone is focused on the end result (the word), no one is fully tuned in to what they’re experiencing, or if they are not yet calm and regulated, their brains can’t access the higher-level thinking and social engagement needed for meaningful communication.

So instead of teaching words first, we support connection first.

Jessie Ginsburg’s “Language Staircase”

American Speech Language Pathologist and sensory trained therapist Jessie Ginsburg beautifully illustrates this idea through her Language Staircase model

(The Language Staircase, Ginsburg, J., 2021, Sensory SLP / Inside Out Sensory)

The staircase shows how language develops step by step:

1. Regulation — The ability to stay calm, comfortable, and ready to connect.
   (If the body and brain are overwhelmed, learning can’t happen.)
2. Engagement — The child starts to connect and share joyful moments with others.
   (This is where eye contact, smiles, and shared play grow naturally.)
3. Basic Language — Simple sounds, gestures, and words begin to emerge within connection.
4. Higher-Level Language — As confidence grows, so does vocabulary, sentences, and storytelling.

The “handrail” of the staircase is intrinsic motivation — the child’s own desire to climb.
When we make learning fun, emotionally safe, and play-based, children want to keep climbing.

What this looks like in everyday life

Here’s how parents can help their child build the foundations for communication naturally:

1. Start with regulation

• Notice when your child is calm, alert, or overwhelmed.
• Build calming routines — rocking, deep pressure hugs, swinging, quiet music, sensory play.
• Check in with yourself – how are you feeling? Are you feeling calm enough to relax and enjoy your child without putting pressure on yourself or them to ‘perform’?
• Don’t start “teaching” when your child is (or you are!) dysregulated — co-regulate first, connect later.

2. Focus on connection, not correction

• Follow your child’s lead in play — join their interests rather than redirecting.
• Copy their actions, sounds, or movements; it shows you’re tuned in. 
• Smile, pause, and wait — communication happens in the spaces, not the rush.

3. Celebrate engagement before language

• When your child looks, giggles, hands you a toy, or includes you in their play —
  those are real communication wins!
• Every shared moment is a stepping stone toward words. 

4. Encourage intentional communication

• Create simple moments where your child needs to signal or ask for help
  (like giving a snack in a closed container, or not automatically blowing that next round of bubbles). Be careful here – we don’t want to be the problem, we want to sit & wait in the problem next to our kids. 
• Wait expectantly and celebrate any attempt — a look, a gesture, a sound —
  not just words.
• Use your voice, facial expressions and body language in an expressive and playful way to ‘be the glue’ in those waiting moments – a playful ‘effort’ noise while trying to open a container goes a long way to keeping kids ‘hooked’ in!

5. Make it meaningful

• Use real-life routines — bath time, meals, playground — for communication opportunities.
• Talk about what your child is doing and feeling rather than drilling vocabulary.
  (“You’re pushing the car fast!” “That’s funny!” “Uh oh, it fell!”)
• Language grows best when it’s emotionally connected and purposeful.

Shift the goal: from talking more to connecting more

When parents focus on connection and shared joy, words emerge naturally —
not through pressure, but through play and purpose.

So if your child isn’t “using words yet,” take a deep breath, and trust the process.
By supporting their regulation, engagement, and motivation, you’re doing
the most powerful speech therapy possible — even without saying a single prompt.

Because real communication begins with the solid foundation of connection. 

References & Resources

• Ginsburg, J. (2021). The Language Staircase. Sensory SLP / Inside Out Sensory
• Greenspan, S. & Wieder, S. (2006). Engaging Autism: Using the Floortime Approach to Help Children Relate, Communicate, and Think.
• Wetherby, A., & Prizant, B. (2000). Communication and Symbolic Behavior Scales (CSBS) — early foundations of intentional communication.